Hello everybody. I am starting a new "post series" called Dear diary (I think it is self-explanatory what is it gonna be about). I just want to share my feelings and other random stuff..
It was Sunday evening, around 8 pm and I was walking down the street straight to the bus stop. I went to Firework Festival. Fun fact, I wasn't invited. I didn't ask my friends to go with them, neither they did. I just stupidly ask them if they were going (of course I knew they were), and they said yes. And I said have fun. And after an embarrassing moment of silence they said 'You can go with us.' So I went. But I had no idea where exactly it was and when are we meeting. I was confused. "Why am I even going?"
I found myself on bus stop with these bad thoughts running through my head. I was scared. It was dark and drunk people were passing by. I just wanted to be with someone.
Finally, I came to the shopping centre where it was all about to happen. I was stressed. So many people were there. And I felt alone. And lost. I felt like a lost soul going through a crowd of another lost souls. Or maybe just confused existencies. I eventually bumbed into my friends. We went out, sat on the ground and waited until it started. My girlfriend M was there with her boyfriend A. Also, one boy from my class and another friend from our school was there. So we sat down and waited. They were talking about a camp they went to, and I was there feeling so alone. You don't even know how glad I was when the firework started. M and A romantically layed together and watched the show. I sat next to my friends and quietly watched it thinking about someone I should't think of at all. Tears were getting to my eyes and I knew I should be graceful not sad. I realized how lucky I was to have these friends.
After the show, I smiled and stood up. M came to me and said 'I'm glad you went with us.' And in that moment I knew I wasn't alone. And I stopped thinking about the person I shouldn't think of.
I didn't ask whether I can go, because I thought my 'foundation' wasn't strong enough to handle rejection. But now I know I can ask them whenever I want. And I hope they won't say no. :)