streda, 7. októbra 2015

DEAR DIARY.

29.9.15/festival day

No matter how hard I try, I always end up alone. I don't know why. I have always wondered why. At first, I thought it was the people. But the older I get, the more I realize that the mistake is in me. I remember how my mom said: You should think about how you act to others. There's mistake in you not in them.

And now I know she was right. But I don't know why. I try. I try my hardest to talk to people, to go out with them(like today). But I always end up feeling alone and I always end up standing behind them. I tried everything. I tried makeup, I tried going all natural, I tried to be someone I am not, I tried to be myself...nothing works.

I know I am an introvert but I want to fit in, I want to participate in life. I don't wanna be left behind like today or yesterday or other days..

Maybe I am meant to be alone.

But feeling of constant loneliness is exhausting. Rejection is exhausting. What should I do? I really don't know.

7.10.15
This was written after festival. I was feeling very bad. I went there with my two very good friends. We were having fun and everything until they started talking and dancing with 2 guys standing next to us. There were so many people I couldn't even get close to them. So I stood behind them dancing and singing alone the whole time. I didn't want to dance or sing. I felt lonely in crowd of people. After 2 hours my two friends finally decided to go home. They hugged the guys and we went home. One of my friends felt sorry for me, but in fact, it was me who couldn't meet new people or make new friends.

Next time I'll make some.

COMMENT&FOLLOW

8 komentárov:

  1. I follow you now!)

    http://nastyadeutsch.blogspot.ru/

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  2. Neboj, to se srovná. :) Rozhodně jsem pro to zůstat sama sebou. :))
    KattyLife

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    1. Najprv musím samu seba nájsť haha.
      Ďakujem že čítaš moje príspevky! Aspoň viem ž to nepíšem len tak.:D

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  3. make yourself your bestfriend first. Actually, I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It isn´t. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. Loneliness is a normal part of being human, trust me. The best way that helps me is to connect with myself. I have myself in any time. I am my second hand. I am my helping hand. And if someone new enters my life, that is nice, and if he leaves, that is OK too because onn the end, I have myself. It is usually only people´s mind that is making the ´´ loneliness´´ even worse. Theit mind is constantly telling them how lonely they are and instead of taking action, they persistently dwell on how alone they feel. It is only one´s perspective. Mom has told me that signing up somewhere helps. Tomorrow I have my first yoga class. Yes, I am afraid, however, I know that there are going to be people that hopefully will understand me, my kinda enviroment. However if not, thats OK, Life goes on. I have myself. I will try something else. I wish you so much luck, remember you always have me.. forever. I love you.

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    1. I am lucky enough to have a wise friend like you. I am proud of you! I hope you enjoy your yoga class(I love yoga btw).
      And I will try. Love you too bby.

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  4. Interesting post! Thanks for your comment on my blog (:

    www.caterina-m.blogspot.com

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