No matter how hard I try, I always end up alone. I don't know why. I have always wondered why. At first, I thought it was the people. But the older I get, the more I realize that the mistake is in me. I remember how my mom said: You should think about how you act to others. There's mistake in you not in them.
And now I know she was right. But I don't know why. I try. I try my hardest to talk to people, to go out with them(like today). But I always end up feeling alone and I always end up standing behind them. I tried everything. I tried makeup, I tried going all natural, I tried to be someone I am not, I tried to be myself...nothing works.
I know I am an introvert but I want to fit in, I want to participate in life. I don't wanna be left behind like today or yesterday or other days..
Maybe I am meant to be alone.
But feeling of constant loneliness is exhausting. Rejection is exhausting. What should I do? I really don't know.
This was written after festival. I was feeling very bad. I went there with my two very good friends. We were having fun and everything until they started talking and dancing with 2 guys standing next to us. There were so many people I couldn't even get close to them. So I stood behind them dancing and singing alone the whole time. I didn't want to dance or sing. I felt lonely in crowd of people. After 2 hours my two friends finally decided to go home. They hugged the guys and we went home. One of my friends felt sorry for me, but in fact, it was me who couldn't meet new people or make new friends.
Next time I'll make some.