I'd turned 18 on Wednesday. I know I should be happy about it. I'm an official adult. I can vote and I can buy cigarettes in every shop. The real issue is that I have never asked for this. I don't want this.
I'm lost in life. I'm not who I want to be and I'm afraid to be myself. I'm living in a cage made of my own insecurities. I'm living with a huge shadow in my head. It's getting bigger and bigger everyday. Sometimes I feel like life isn't for me. I've been struggling for too long and I still can't handle it.
I've been having nightmares for about 2 weeks. I can't get rid of them and they scare me so bad that I don't want to sleep because they seem so real. I don't know what causes this irrational fear. Presumably, it's because I associate this period of time (my b-day) with going to the hospital. I went there in the 9th grade which was 3 years ago. It still hauts me.
I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I guess I need to find my way and eventually, let myself to be happy and free.